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Memoirs of A Searching Lagos Lady 7

 

searching

Now, we all knew Ogechi from our school days as someone who was a serious pessimist. If you had any idea and needed someone who will bring out all the down sides to that idea your run to person should be Ogechi. Immediately, I saw her response, I remembered and I knew I made a mistake. She continued,

 

Believe me, that guy does not know where Chevron is

Even if he does, I am sure he has never gone past their gates

Babe please

Stay away from him

He is a scammer

He just looks for very gullible single ladies and use them for his

 

At this point I was yawning. Let me just allow her rant.

 

Has he used the “brother in America” scope for you yet?

 

I had to cut in

 

No, he did not tell me anything about that.

By the way, if he is such a terrible person, how come you are still friends with him on facebook?

 

My dear, I forgot he was a friend on facebook

I just unfriended him

I cannot have such people as friends

Babe, please shine your eyes

If I were to advise you, I would ask you to stay clear of that young man

But you are a full grown adult and know what you want

Whichever way you choose to go

Just make sure you tread with caution and with your eyes wide open

 

 

Thanks babe

I appreciate

 

I rolled my eyes at her. I have this belief never to judge someone from another person’s eyes. Before I can draw conclusion on anyone, it has to be my own opinion about them. A lot of people have been messed up because others had one opinion or the other about them and passed it along. Before long, the person is reputed to be that way. I have been a victim, so, I know better not to judge people that way.

I saw a chat on WhatsApp and it was from Daniel.

 

Hi Dami. Are you home yet?

 

Haba. I still stay in Lagos o. I have not moved to Australia.

How can I be home when I still have traffic to battle with?

Lol

 

Lol

I really feel embarrassed about today

Making you pay for my bills

 

I smiled. This was someone that was called a scammer.

 

Oh no. it’s not a problem at all.

I perfectly understand about the network issues.

All these banks that know how to embarrass someone.

Lol

It has happened to me once

I went to d some shopping at Shoprite

I had loaded my cart to the full

Only for my card to be declined

Imagine the embarrassment when I had to push the cart to one side

And walk away empty handed

 

OMG

That is much more embarrassing

Anyway

Since I have matched line already, I need to make it up to you

Have you been to Four Points by Sheraton buffet before?

 

Errrrrr…. No

 

Okay

How will your Friday be, I want to take you for the buffet?

 

I smiled. This time it was a very deep smile.

 

I will be free on Friday evening

Oh

It’s just my car issue

 

Won’t the car be ready before then?

 

No. they said it will be ready on Saturday.

The young man wants to respray the whole car.

Well, don’t worry. I will come with a cab

What time?

 

7pm will be fine.

 

That’s okay. I should leave the office by 6pm

I would be going against traffic, so, I should be able to meet up

I appreciate.

 

Not a problem

Do let me know when you get home

 

Sure. I will

Talk to you later.

 

Throughout the week, our conversation was sweet. We spoke about three times every day but at night, it was usually a very lengthy talk. We talked about how our day went, the issues we had, the funny part of the day, the peculiarities of staying in Lagos and by Thursday evening, it felt like I had known him for long. I could not wait for Friday to come when I would see him again. I went to bed around 11 pm on Thursday because I was searching for the most befitting dress for a buffet that can also pass for a work dress. I settled for my Ankara flair dress. It was made with lace covering the whole of my shoulder down to my elbow, enough to cover my neck down to just about where the cleavage began to show. I needed to be careful not to appear slutty but then, I had to be classy too. I brought out my blue wedge sandals which was not so high, to go with the dress. I knew I was going to slay the next day. There were no two ways about it.

Yemi Oshoafa, the young man who hit my car had called twice within the week to apologise and to also give me update concerning my car. called me on Friday and told me the car was ready and asked where I wanted the vehicle to be dropped off for me. I told him not to worry that I will pick it up myself as I was heading to the Island that evening.

 

“Wow. What brings you the island?”

 

“I am coming to meet with a friend”

 

“Oh okay. Why don’t we sit down somewhere and have some drinks when you are done?”

 

I chuckled. What was this man thinking? Since when did we become so friendly to be having drink?

 

“I am sorry. The meeting with the friend may linger into the night.”

 

“Okay. No problem. Maybe we should plan out something for some other time.”

 

“Until then. Thank you for the car. I appreciate how you handled everything.”

 

“Oh no. I should be thanking you for not raining insults on me that day. I actually did not know the brakes of the car was faulty since my driver did not tell me before travelling.”

 

I was really not interested in any narratives with this young man. I think my transaction with him was over with my car repairs completed.

“Sorry please. I need to get back to work now.”

“Okay. Please let me know when you have picked up the car.”

 

I ended the call and raised one side of my lips in such a scornful way that you do when someone is saying something you are not interested in hearing. I dragged my thoughts back to the man of the hour, Daniel Adebayo. I checked my time and it was about 3pm. I have not concentrated at work all day and I could not wait for evening to come. My intercom buzzed and I picked it up,

“Damilola, please can I see you in my office now?”

It was the General Manager who called. I went to his office to meet him.

“MD just called. He said he is coming into Lagos today and would like us to have an emergency meeting with regards with a new contract we are bidding for in Abuja. He needs us all available”>

 

Jesus Christ! My heart skipped a beat. What is about to happen to me?

 

“Sorry, GM. Please what time will he be here?”

 

“I don’t know. He is at the airport now. His driver has gone to pick him up. let us say he will be here by 4.”

 

“Why are you asking?”

 

“I have plans for the evening. I am just praying the meeting does not encroach into the time.”

 

“Pray hard. I will even join you in the prayers because I have plans too. But who are we to complain? It’s the MD.” He shrugged.

 

I got to my office and gave Daniel a call to tell him what’s up. I told him that if the meeting extended till 6, I will send him a message to cancel. He was really disappointed and I could hear it in his voice.

At 10 minutes to 4, MD walked into the office, tapped on my door and asked that we meet. “I have somewhere to be at 5.30 so, I need this meeting concluded before then.”

“Okay sir.”

I almost danced “alanta” at the sound of that. So my plans are still going to work out.

 

Meeting ended at 5.20pm and we all filed out. I will be travelling to Abuja the upper weekend to conclude on all the proceedings and get the proposal submitted. I got to my office and saw 3 missed calls from Daniel. I tried to call back, his number was not going through. I saw an sms from him.

 

Family emergency. We have to reschedule

 

What on heaven’s earth is the meaning of this?

Memoirs of A Searching Lagos Lady 6

searching

The occupant of the vehicle walked up to my window and was apologizing. I wound down, opened my car door and walked to the back to see the damage without even acknowledging him. My booth was badly dented but thankfully, none of the lights were affected. I have never been someone who raises my voice when I am pissed or seriously angry. I seethe. I just got into my car and moved it out of the road for other motorists to pass. He drove behind me and was still apologizing seriously. When I looked at his own car, my anger subsided a little. His two lights were broken and his bonnet was bashed in. This felt like my guardian angels were on active duty because he had more damage than I did.

“I am so sorry. Please say something to me let me know what is on your mind,” he said.

“I just want my car fixed”, was all I could say.

“There is no problem with that. Maybe we should drive to my mechanic’s so you will drop off your vehicle and once they are done with the repairs, you will come pick it up”.

“How do I get back to my place?”

“I Will call a friend to come drop you off.”

“Oh. Now, I get it. You people are looking for who to kidnap, right? That was why you bashed my car so that your friend will come pick me up and then take me to where you people are doing your rituals?”

“Oh my God, I did not want it to come out that way. Okay, here is what we will do, we will drop your car off at the mechanic’s. You will hail a cab by yourself and I will pay for it. Is that okay?”

I nodded, “take the lead and I will follow you”.

This happened around Law School bus stop and we drove towards CMS where we met his Mechanic who laid on the floor to greet him,

“Oga, na you drive today? What of Oga Kunle?”

“Kunle go im village. Abeg, I bash this sister car for road. I wan make you help me fix am. When e go dey ready for her to come carry am?”

The mechanic walked round the vehicle, checked some things and said it will be ready by Thursday. I hissed and complained that I will have to pay for public transport till then and my “basher” asked where I stay. I eyed him and told him I do not tell strangers where I stay.

“I was just asking to know if I can send my driver to pick you to work and back till Thursday”.

“Don’t worry, I will sort myself out. Just get the car ready by Thursday”.

“Actually, I was wondering if we could spray the car over before you take it. Ahmed, if we are going to spray the car, when will it be ready?”

“Na Saturday e go ready, oga”

He turned to me, “Can you hold till then? Oh and will you need to use another colour?”

I sighed, “There is no need for the respraying. He should just do the repairs and not bother about the respraying. That will be another cost for you.”

“Thank you for putting me into consideration. I am not bothered at all. I chose to do this by myself so please allow me to. Moreover, if he works on only the booth and sprays the booth, it will be looking newer than the other parts of the car, don’t you think?”

I shrugged, “okay, thanks. I should be able to sort myself out till Saturday then, I guess”.

After everything, we exchanged contacts and he followed me outside for me to flag down a cab. He paid for the cab and apologized one more time. He told me he would keep in touch and let me know about any update with regards to my car. I thanked him for being a perfect gentleman. I was not as angry as I was earlier.

On my way home, I got a WhatsApp chat from Daniel and I narrated my ordeal to him. He called me and was fuming. He asked why I did not call him up to come over and teach the guy a lesson. I told him the guy was a perfect gentleman over the issue and I appreciated he way he handled it. He was still raking such that I had to calm him down and reminded him that it was my car that was bashed and that I was cool. He calmed down and asked how I was. I told him I was fine and was not hurt in any way. He said he wished he was there to help calm my fraying nerves. I smiled and thanked him. When we ended the call, I felt very protected. The way he was fuming about my matter showed he cared a lot about me and I was beginning to fall for him already.

I saw a friend request from him and I noticed that we have 1 friend in common. It was Ogechi Umeora, my classmate in the university. I accepted the friend request and took my time to go through his facebook page. He had good pictures in good locations. From what I saw, he had vacationed in Dubai in several occasions. He appeared okay to me and I was tripping further. I decided to chat up Ogechi and ask her what she knows about Daniel.

Hey babe

How far with you na

Longest time

 

Haba!

Dami Coker

I dey o

This one you remember me today

 

Babe, I dey o

I say make I hail you and ask you some questions

 

Okay babe, all ears

 

I just saw we are mutual friends on Facebook with Daniel Adebayo

I just want to find out what you know about the guy

 

Sorry dear, which Daniel Adebayo?

 

He works with Chevron

 

Wait, let me check out who you are talking about

…………………………

Oh my God! Did that thief tell you he works with Chevron?

My dear, be very wary of that guy.

Memoirs Of A Searching Single Lady 5

 

searching

I looked at my friend Enitan and winked,

“Please help me arrange these invitation cards, I will be back soon.”

We stepped outside the church building and he began,

“My name is Daniel Adebayo. I have been attending this church for about two months now and I have been observing you. Let me start by saying that you have one of the most beautiful smiles I have seen. Seriously, I look forward to seeing that smile every Sunday.”

I blushed. In my head where I wrote the qualities I needed in a man, I ticked the box for “Sweet tongue”. His rating is increasing. Oh! I already ticked off the Tall, Dark and Handsome boxes plus the Yoruba box too. This guy is on the fast lane though. He continued,

“I have been trying to say hi but my liver has been cutting. I do not know if I am qualified enough to talk to you.”

Humble box ticked.

“But today, as I was just about to step out of church, I decided this had to be done. I asked myself the worst thing that will happen. It is either you say no or you smile and say not interested but I will never know except I try. In a nutshell, I just want to get to know you better. So, let me just keep a distance before your response will be a slap”. We both laughed.

Courageous, intelligent and sense of humor boxes were ticked off. Wow. In a space of three minutes, this guy has already ticked off almost half of my list. Good going. My interest is already triggered.

“Daniel, you flatter me. My name is Damilola Coker. It is a pleasure meeting you. Why don’t we exchange contacts and probably get to see some time? It will be a pleasure getting to know you too”.

“Oh. I was thinking we could get to hang out today and talk a little but it looks like you have other plans. There is no problem at all. If you say so.”

You know, the idea is to show as much interest and still be a little distant all at once. I knew he wanted us to maybe, hang out immediately but if I had agreed, I will seem too desperate and make it look like I had no plans and I am “anywhere belle face” kind of person. I had to show some level of sophistication. He whipped out his iPhone 6. Oh my! The guy is sophisticated too. I called out my number to him and asked him to dial it so I could save his number since my phone was inside my purse inside the church. We shook hands and he promised to call later and then, I went inside the church. I rushed to Enitan and told her to help me go check out the car he came to church with. Enitan, my 2i/c, she understands perfectly well. She rushed out of church located Daniel and came back whistling,

“Babe, na Prado bobo carry o”

I smiled and ticked off the “good ride” box. I am already impressed enough. I don’t think I need to do any further analysis. Oh well, let’s see how he keeps up with conversation. But there was already this sweetness in my belly. I was too excited and could not wait to start conversing with him. I was already trying out how “Damilola Adebayo” will sound and well, it did not sound bad at all.

It was not as though I had other plans after service, I only wanted to go and see a movie and have myself some good Coldstone Ice cream but like I said earlier, I needed to play “not desperate” so, I drove lonely to the Palms to watch my movie and take my ice cream. My phone rang and I saw the name “Daniel Adebayo” as the caller. My heart skipped a beat as I picked up the call, it was on hands-free since I was the only one in my car

“Hello Daniel. How are you doing?”

“I am doing fine. I just got home and decided to call you and find out if your after service plan is going well.”

“Hahaha. I am still on my way from church. Heading to the cinema now.”

“For real? You should have told me. I would have come along. Which cinema are you going to so I can meet you up there. That is if you do not mind?”

My face lit up.

“Oh. I am headed to The Palms. No, I don’t mind. How soon will you be there? Because I am almost there”

“In about 20 minutes, my place is around the corner”

“Okay. I will be waiting in my car. just beep me when you get there”.

You know that smile on your face when you feel like everything is working way better that you planned for them to. That was the smile on my face as I ended the call. I drove into The Palms and found a parking space. I took out my makeup purse and did a touch up on my face. Can’t be looking like someone that fries dodo when I know this guy’s eyes will mostly be on my face for the next few hours. I was just getting done when he called that he was around. I asked that we meet at the Box Office in the Cinema floor. When I saw him, I still gave my firm handshake. Can’t go hugging and looking like someone that has not seen boy before. We checked out the movie schedule and decided to settle for The Hobbit. He brought out his ATM card to pay for the tickets, the attendant told him it declined. He looked at me and apologized and asked that I permit him to go and withdraw cash. I smiled and asked him not to worry that I would pay. I paid with cash. It was just 3,000 Naira. No big deal.

During the movie, we were having a good time. He chipped in one question after another and he stayed warm. He was a good conversationalist and that is one of my strongest point with guys. I love guys who pull very good conversations and I love to have them around. So far, Daniel was scoring more points than any guy I have met in recent times and considered for marriage. He has ticked off about 85% of my checklist and I guess it was still counting.

When the movie was over, we proceeded to Coldstone hop and I ordered for my three scoops as usual. I asked Daniel which he wanted he smiled,

“Too much sugar. Ice cream is for ladies. Moreover, this my ATM card issue just embarrassed me. don’t want to put you through much pressure. I appreciate what you already did with the movies and I don’t want to be taking advantage of that.”

I smiled. I appreciated his humble persona. “But I am not complaining. Please go ahead and order. I will take care of it”.

He shrugged and requested for two scoops and I paid for them and we found a seat to sit and talk properly. He told me about himself. He works with Chevron as an Accountant. He is from Ogun State. His parents are based in Ibadan but he is in Lagos, VGC precisely, with his younger brother who is in University of Lagos. He was supposed to go to Canada but he is their mum’s favorite and she said she could not bear to not see her son for 6 months stretch so they had to get admission for him in Unilag. He is 33 and he just joined my church 2 months ago and was still getting to know people. After a while, he said he had spoken so much about himself and he was handing the baton over to me. I told him much about myself that I could remember and then we talked about other things. From our conversation, I discovered he loved football but not to the extent of leaving me, no, his wife, at home to go and watch match. Perfecto!

By the time we were done with our meeting for the day, I had this sweetness in my belly. While I drove home, I kept smiling to myself. I was already thanking God for bringing such a person my way. At least, Mrs. Coker will get off my case with her reminder calls. I was already picturing how we would turn out when people looked at us. He is good looking and I am beautiful too. When people see our pre-wedding shoot, they will trip. I was lost in thought when I was jerked back to reality by a loud bang from behind me and my car jerked forward. Someone had just hit my car. I was too dazed to even make any move.

 

To be continued……..

A Letter to Girlkind.

Black_hotties

He who finds a woman has found a good thing. I thoroughly agree with that. Emotional. Kind. Intuitive. Nurturing. These and many more qualities are what make females an integral part of existence. The beauty of it actually, if you consider their ‘energy’ as well. The world wouldn’t be a cool place to stay without females. Would it even be populated? I’d like to use this opportunity to show some love and appreciation to the womenfolk. It takes a jerk not to regard women.

I was reading a psychology journal sometime ago, and it said that smiling is an involuntary action. That is, if you’re smiled at, whether you know the person or not, you can’t help but smile back. This was an exciting find for me, so I decided to put it to test. So for the rest of the week, I was out and about smiling (not maniacally of course) at people randomly. To my surprise, people smiled back! Some kids waved, some ‘women’ even said “how are you” in response to my “hello”. Here’s my favorite, a beautiful woman (in her forties I guessed) said “you have a fine smile, keep it up”. I felt a rush of blood to my face I won’t lie. And the guys, as expected, offered handshakes, and fist bumps.

What kind of person frowns at someone smiling at them? Wait! Let me answer that, “a girl”. Most of the adult girl I smiled at either kept a straight face, frowned, or ignored me all together. What is it about girls that makes them snub? Even the *clears throat* not-so-fine ones (I’m trying not to use ‘ugly’) snubbed me too. Emi l’aye mi. I told my female friends about my experience, and the response was quite unanimous. It was something in the tune of “should I give audience to every Tom, Dick, and Harry?”. Hian! Like they won’t, if ‘Dick” was serious. (pun intended)

There might be good reasons not to talk to everybody who wants your attention. But I think there are better reasons to. They might not seem like much, but if you give thought to them, they make sense. You might not agree, but there’s a whole lot more to life than we understand. If there is only one thing you will take from me, let it be this one: Everyone who crosses our path has a message for us.

When a seemingly random guy comes to make acquaintance, you think up all sorts of reasons to snub him; except that you don’t know:

WHO HE IS

All you’re probably thinking is “this guy wants something from me, and I don’t want to give him”. ‘Cam dan’ dear lady, what if the guy is going to give you something. I once saw a screen capture of a tweet. It was from a ‘random’ guy to an OAP (On Air Personality). The guy complimented and suggested that the OAP was his crush. The OAP obviously did not use the ‘snub mindset’, she replied and ‘allowed’ a conversation to ensue. Toolz (yes that Toolz) is now married to the guy. If she has decided to snub every guy because she has a ‘hot bod’ and that’s all guys want, who knows if she’d be married now. She was able to see herself beyond her ‘bad ass’ and that is why she was able to resonate with a guy who saw her beyond her body.

WHO HE KNOWS

There’s a gist my sister gave me about her friend sometime ago. An area-boy kind of guy was trying to be friends with the girl who erroneously thinks is better than that than ‘that kind of person’. The guy kept trying, the girl kept snubbing. There was a day the guy met the girl at the bus stop, she was teary-eyed and was looking depressed. The guy being concerned asked the girl wassup, and she explained that as she got out of the bus, some guys snatched her bag which contained the money she just collected from the bank. The guy, a confirmed street boy, grabbed the girl by hand and led her to the garage ‘shairman’, who happened to be his mentor. He ordered other boys to go with them to ‘ile eru’ (house of baggage, literally), which is where the petty thieves in the area go to drop their loot. Perhaps there’s a code of conduct not to steal from ‘we-we’ because, according to the girl according to my sister, the boys at the ‘ile-eru’ did not put up a fight. She identified her bag (everything intact) and went home. No! They did not get married (everything isnor marriage naa) The street boy and the ‘ajebo’ girl have been friends ever since.

WHOM HE WILL BECOME

I’m sure you must have heard this story. I have even seen a video of it on facebook. It’s about a lady who rudely turned down a guy because he was broke. She met the guy again with her husband after 10 years, and it turned out that the guy she called broke now owns the company her husband works. I don’t know how true the story is, but it is very realistic you must agree. Never look down on anybody. They might not end up becoming rich, but they might help save your life.

WHOM HE WILL KNOW

Sequel to the previous story, the dude you rudely snubbed back in the days just might now be in the inner circle of the person that can make one of your dreams come true.

All these will seem dismiss-able to the ego (we all don’t like knowing we are wrong), but if you give it a thought you will see sense in them. It is totally true that some guys have ulterior motives for approaching girls. Guys who are just looking for the next ass to tap. As much of a snub as you have become, you still allow some guys in, don’t you? Why those guys and not others? How many of those guys you have let in did not want your body? How well has your screening ‘filters’ been working? How many of those guys you have allowed in has done something to move you closer to your dreams? Answering these questions will help you make more sense of what I am saying. Help you justify or otherwise your ideals for being a snub.

As you are strive to be an independent woman, so should you strive for mental independence. Be independent of all the assumptions, stereotypes, and every other unhelpful beliefs you hold. This is because as you hold on to them, so are they holding you back. See yourselves beyond your boobs, booties, and pretty faces; unless that’s all you’re about, and that inevitably makes you a ‘sex object’ (that’s another story). Spoiler alert! Not every guy wants to ‘knack’ you abeg. That’s a ridiculously arrogant assumption. I tell you again, everyone who crosses your path has a message for you. If only you understand.

I’d really like to know your thoughts on this and subsequent posts, so hit me up in the comment section and I’ll sure respond. Namaste!

THINGS A SINGLE LADY SHOULD NOT DO

Single-black-woman

 

I go around and I listen to happenings and I see an anomaly that is very saddening.it breaks my heart to see them happen and I think this should be addressed. You know when the bible said that servants were riding on horses while Princes were walking on foot? This can be likened to it.

 

Yes! I am talking about some of the things that single ladies dare to do. Join me as we explore some of these things.

  1. BE HAPPY:

Excuse me! who gave you the permission to be happy? Do you not feel any remorse whatsoever? Did I see a picture you posted on Facebook talking about self-love? The only things you should post on Facebook are prayer points or to share posts where you are asked to share and type Amen. Do you not know that a man is the glory of a woman? You should always bow your head in shame because you have no glory.

 

  1. BE KNOWLEDGEABLE

God have mercy on your soul. How na? you want to know too much and intimidate a man who wants to marry you? It is okay that you already went to the University and a graduate but you need to cover up how much you know. Why do you even have the mind to argue politics and football with men in the public place and on social media? What message are you trying to pass? Do you not know that this portrays you as an unsubmissive woman? Be wise!

 

  1. CLIMB THE CORPORATE LADDER

For what? Are there no men in your place of work? Even when you are offered promotion, you should decline and suggest it be given to your married colleague or a man in your office. It shows you are a humble person and a wife material and will draw responsible men to you. Do you want the promotion to get into your head? It could even be curse for you by tying you down and not allowing you access to men. How many single senior managers in a bank do you see getting married? Give yourself brain!

  1. OWN A CAR.

Okay. Here I laugh in Swahili. You are sure too bold. SO you want to give men the impression that you have arrived and do not need a man in your life? Wait! First of all, how will the men meet you? He will now knock on your window to tell you to wind down before he can toast you? He will definitely feel emasculated and I am sure you do not want to make a man feel that way. You never know where you will meet your husband, it could be on a danfo. God works in mysterious ways, you know.

  1. RENT AN APARTMENT.

So you finally want to have the opportunity to invite every Emeka, Kunle and Audu into your house? No responsible man who hears you are staying alone will take you as a responsible woman. He will think you have slept with all the men in your community and that is not a good impression to give. It is better to stay with your parents till a man comes to take you away. If you live apart from your family (which should not be), make sure you stay with another family, probably in your church, so they will be a cover and always monitor and check you.

  1. OWN A LANDED PROPERTY 

Somebody in your village is using you picture to do hand fan but you do not know! The man that wants to ask you to marry him is still struggling to pay house rent and you want to own a land? Whose name will the land carry sef, Your name? Don’t you think that’s a taboo? Where have you heard that a single woman has a land in her name? this modernization will not kill you people.

  1. OFFER TO MAKE ANY FORM OF PAYMENT WHILE ON A DATE.

I know you have arrived and you want to show a man that you are very independent. But think of it this way, how many independent women are you seeing who are married? Even if you have millions in your account, always tell a man that you do not have money or he will be scared of you or on the other hand, the only men that will come your way will be people that want to chop you and run away.

 

Do you have any idea of something a single lady should never be caught doing? Please share with us in the comment section..

MEMOIRS OF A SEARCHING LAGOS LADY 4

searching

See eh! Here is my spec: A very godly boy with a very godly bank account. It haff finish. Yes! I am a Lagos big geh and I will be falling hand by landing myself just any other young man out there. What will my friends say about me? I am not ready to be made a laughing stock by anybody. I need to marry someone befitting to enter the Coker family. As e be my mama now, she no mind who I carry come, as far as say na man but wait na, I cannot come and fall my hand anyhow because I wan marry by all means.

So the next idea is to join a department in church. You see eh, my church has big boys! I’m not even saying it with doubt in my heart. When you come late to church very often like me, you will have a better understanding of what I am talking about. No parking space inside church premises so you will be told to park outside, in the other space the church acquired for parking. I stay in Oregun since it is close to my office in Ikeja but I intentionally attend the Island chapter of my church though we have a mainland chapter in Opebi. The Island is where the big boys are so, you get what I am saying? Okay, back to the description. After you park outside, you will now have to walk into the church premises and this is where you will do Christmas for your eyes; all makes and models of cars; the SUVs top the list. I have never seen as much collection of Range Rover vehicles in a place as I see in the church parking lot not even in car showrooms. So, you must be getting the picture I am painting now. There was no better department to join than the Ushering department.

I had already done our foundation class in church so, joining the department did not take time. By the next Sunday, I had informed the unit head of my intention to join the unit and he welcomed me with open arms. Told me about a training I had to come for in order to learn what applies to the unit and how to interact with church members. Within a few weeks, I was already standing at the entrance as that was made my duty post. It was convenient. No, it was perfect. I wanted to stand at the door so I can have the opportunity to size people up long before they walked up to me.

Now, I have four classes of guys that come to church. This is taxonomy according to Damilola. There are the “talakawas”. These are mostly students and hustlers. In my church, there are a lot of high profile people and when they get to church, they let their guards down. They do not enter church with their body guards so people are people to meet with them inside church. These “talakawas” see this as an opportunity to sit next to them and see if they can have the opportunity to pitch ideas to them. Who knows where the breakthrough will come from? How do I know them? They come in very well starched and ironed shirts and they hang around the door making imaginary phone calls, waiting for when the big shots come around, then they walk into church with them and hope to get the chance of sitting next to them. No. Those are not the ones I am after.

There are the hooked. These are the ones who come to church with their family. They are usually the ones carrying the baby while wifey tags along with the baby bag and her handbag. These were the set that gave me hope because seeing this setting always makes my heart race. Of course, these are not the ones I am after.

There are the disappointers. These ones are just wicked. They come to church looking all dapper and cool. They start smiling at me from a distance, giving me so much hope. There is no baby or wifey behind and my mind does a fast calculation; prospect alert. They come closer and I see that there is a wedding band on their finger and I want to cuss them out. I wonder if their family are pagans or they are probably not living with them but these ones, they never come to church with their family. They are the long-throat guys.

There are the prospects. These are the ones who get my full headlamp smile. Not like I do not smile to others o. these ones I give them something special. They smell rich, look rich and feel rich. The only problem I have with these ones is that they hoard their smiles. They make it look like you are begging for it. Anyway, I am begging to be noticed so, I will bear.

So, the routine is that before service every Sunday, we hold hands to pray for the service and to ask God to manifest himself during the service. Just before the prayer ends, I slip in my own prayer point, “Lord, may today be the day I am waiting for”.

I have done this for almost two months and it looked like this was a futile attempt. I was already considering dropping out of the unit when the Lord answered in the most unexpected way. We just ended service and I was chatting with some of my unit members and trying to find our way out of church when this cool looking dude walked up to me,

“Hi. Please can I have a word with you?”

See Alanta dance in my mind nau. Chei! The happen have happen.

Oya, go and rest small. I will continue the gist next time.

MEMOIRS OF A SEARCHING LAGOS LADY EPISODE 3

searching

So ADVANCED GLOBAL LOGISTICS sent me over to Port Harcourt to meet with a new client who needed to get a new product into the market. As the second most senior PR Executive, the job was assigned to me. I left Lagos on a Monday on the 7:45am flight. While we were checking in, I sighted a good looking young man. I could tell from his suit that it should range between 50,000 Naira to 70,000 Naira (Yeah, I have eyes for such things), at least that shows he is not a “hungry-man”.

I prayed he was on my flight and Oh Yes! He was! The next prayer was to have him seated next to me on the plane. As we were boarding, I intentionally stayed behind to see what his seat number will be. Alas! He was on 14D whereas I was on 16E. I just swallowed my disappointment and moved to my seat. On getting there, I stopped by the aisle, and a little smile played on my lips. The cushion on my seat was torn! I just called the attention of one of the hostesses and said “there’s no way in God’s earth I’m seating on that seat”. The closest available seat to us was 14E. In my mind, I just went down, put my right hand forward, and came up slowly (doing a little shoki dance). I sat next to him and said “Hi”. No response. This is what we call “elaa”.

 

After the plane took off,

“I’ll never get over my fear of take-off, no matter how many times I fly”.

Silence.

Okay let me try one more time.

“Are you flying to Port Harcourt?” In my mind, I answered me, “No, I’m going to jump off the plane along the way”.

Silence. Still.

I had to advise my old age. It’s either this guy is deaf and dumb or he is the biggest snub the world has produced. What is he even feeling like? It’s not like he’s so fine sef. (Dami girl, you’re beefing). Anyway, when one door closes, a window opens. I just picked up my novel and started reading.

My first meeting was for 1 pm so we could allow time for lunch. My flight landed Port Harcourt Airport 8:50 am, so I thought I should hang around in a fast food around their office while I put finishing touches to my presentation. I was busy working on my iPad when someone placed a tray in front of me,

“Can I join you?”

I looked up and here was “Mr. mute” from the plane. I just looked at him, shook my head and looked back at my iPad”.

“Sorry about the flight conversation, I am usually not that rude”.

I continue typing away.

“At least, you could take the high road and make me look like a fool by acting more mature than me”.

I smiled.

“My name is Damilola Coker, and you are?” I responded without even looking up.

“Could this be Damilola Coker of Advanced Global Logistics?”

“Hmmmm. Should I call you a detective now?”

“Oh my God! I cannot believe that I was busy snubbing the very person I was sent to Port Harcourt to meet”.

“English please”. I raised my head and looked at him with a feigned keen interest.

“Okay. My name is Gbolahan Oladiran. I work with the Lagos branch of ELDAN MANUFACTURING COMPANY. My department is in charge of Research and Development on this new product. I was told by my supervisor that once I get to Port Harcourt, I should locate you because I will be the one to explain the basics of the product to you and help you in building the best idea for advertising the product.”

He puts out his hand for a handshake and I immediately lost interest. In my eyes, he became the junior staff and I became the senior staff. O ti! I am not dating a junior staff. No way!

I see you rolling your eyes. That is your “consign” (in my Yoruba accent). Is it your “single”? Leave me to make my choose the way it suits me. Tenkiu for the advice you are already planning to dish out.

On to the next one.

IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD

all in your head

If you are anything like me, then you are a self-proclaimed expert in reading people’s behaviors, body languages and responses. You know what it means when someone answers you with one word when you say hello; you know what it means when someone pauses before responding to your question; you can interpret that when you ask someone a question and they heave a sigh before answering you, that means that you are boring or disturbing them. These things, most times, are correct. There is a general interpretation to what people’s responses and body language could mean.

 

This gives you a feeling of smartness. You know that feeling like you are powerful, sensitive and intelligent. If you are still anything like me, you will start giving subtle hints to the person to make them understand that you get the hint of what is going on in their minds.

But wait a moment. Have you ever been in a situation where you said something with a facial expression that someone else takes on and starts making a totally different scenario out of it? (Married men will raise their hands at this one). I am sure it has happened to you at one time or the other. Remember how frustrating it was trying to explain to the person or how funny it was when you remembered the person’s reaction? So, we also fall into situations like that.

I know there are general rules that apply to people’s attitudes and behavior but then, most of these issues are in our heads. We judge people like they are us. Whatever reaction we give to a certain situation is the same interpretation we give to people’s reaction towards us and this could have been from accumulated experiences which have been stored off as memories in our subconscious minds.

anxiety2

The next time you are tempted to jump into conclusions about someone’s reaction towards you, pause, and picture the scenario as a neutral person who is just observing what is happening or better still, ask questions. Let them know the way you felt about the stated situation and explain themselves if need be.

I have this statement I developed recently, “I would rather be happy than be right about my analysis of your wrong attitude towards me”. Above all, choose happiness and do not give anyone the power to run errands in your head that you did not send them on. Life is very simple, let’s complicate it less.

Please share your own thoughts.

It all begins and ends in your mind; what you give power to has rule over you.

-Anonymous

JUST AS A CHILD 2

HAPPY

This is one of the hardest things to be expected from any thinking person. Forgiving a hurt that was not apologized for.

My niece surprised me one day. I was with her and her mother and we were trying to sort out something urgently and she kept disturbing us. I tried to distract her with some other things so as to allow us to concentrate and do what we were doing but she kept coming back. Her mum got angry at a point and really spanked her and she started crying. We continued what we were doing while she cried in the background.

By the time we were done, I carried her and started consoling her. I made her all the promises of the things I will buy her if she stopped crying. She did not stop. She just kept looking towards her mum. I told her mum to tell her sorry so she would stop crying but her mum refused. The little girl came down from my hands and went to her mum while still crying and started telling her, “Mummy, I’m sorry. I love you”. I was looking at her in shock because she was the one that was beaten and then she is the one apologizing.

I look back today and I wonder how that will work out in the lives of we adults. How is it possible for anyone to hurt you and give you you good reasons for doing that and then you turn around and tell them you are sorry for what happened, probably ask them for forgiveness and then you forgive them? That is really a hard thing to do.

But the truth is that if you want to lead a really simple life devoid of clutter and full of peace, then this is the kind of life you will choose to live. Will people think you stupid and weak? Sure. But that is only their opinion. It does not make you stupid or weak. It makes you the bigger person; the more mature person; the gold-heart person. Go. Today, give it a try and see how relieving it is.

Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.

– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 

JUST AS A CHILD 1

HAPPY

Photo credit: zastavki.com

Some days ago, I took my time to watch a little child and her mother quarrel. Her mum bought her “gala” (Sausage roll) and she said she did not want that one, she wanted the “Bigi” brand and her mother told her to use her own money to buy it herself. she started throwing and her mum looked at her and told her “If I hear your voice again, I will beat you really hard”. She began crying and her mother ignored her. After about three minutes without getting any attention, she started eating the sausage roll and she was offering some to her mother, even feeding her in her mouth. That really brought a warm smile to my heart. She sure had forgotten that she was supposed to be angry with her mum.

I started thinking of how many times people who love us and who we love offend us or do things that probably get us hurt and we carry on and on about it. We tell everyone who gives us a listening ear and sometimes we end up bad mouthing the people we claim to love. I read this from a book sometime ago, “Nobody who loves you will decide to hurt you intentionally”. The only reason we bear grudges against our loved ones is because our ego keeps painting nonexistent  pictures for us which we believe.

If only as a little child, we could push this offence to one corner and look at these people with the eyes of love or probably go a little further by talking to them, if it is something we are not able to bear, the world will be a happier place. Little wonder Jesus said “Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven”.
(Matthew 18:3 KJV)