19th Ave New York, NY 95822, USA

A Letter to Girlkind.


He who finds a woman has found a good thing. I thoroughly agree with that. Emotional. Kind. Intuitive. Nurturing. These and many more qualities are what make females an integral part of existence. The beauty of it actually, if you consider their ‘energy’ as well. The world wouldn’t be a cool place to stay without females. Would it even be populated? I’d like to use this opportunity to show some love and appreciation to the womenfolk. It takes a jerk not to regard women.

I was reading a psychology journal sometime ago, and it said that smiling is an involuntary action. That is, if you’re smiled at, whether you know the person or not, you can’t help but smile back. This was an exciting find for me, so I decided to put it to test. So for the rest of the week, I was out and about smiling (not maniacally of course) at people randomly. To my surprise, people smiled back! Some kids waved, some ‘women’ even said “how are you” in response to my “hello”. Here’s my favorite, a beautiful woman (in her forties I guessed) said “you have a fine smile, keep it up”. I felt a rush of blood to my face I won’t lie. And the guys, as expected, offered handshakes, and fist bumps.

What kind of person frowns at someone smiling at them? Wait! Let me answer that, “a girl”. Most of the adult girl I smiled at either kept a straight face, frowned, or ignored me all together. What is it about girls that makes them snub? Even the *clears throat* not-so-fine ones (I’m trying not to use ‘ugly’) snubbed me too. Emi l’aye mi. I told my female friends about my experience, and the response was quite unanimous. It was something in the tune of “should I give audience to every Tom, Dick, and Harry?”. Hian! Like they won’t, if ‘Dick” was serious. (pun intended)

There might be good reasons not to talk to everybody who wants your attention. But I think there are better reasons to. They might not seem like much, but if you give thought to them, they make sense. You might not agree, but there’s a whole lot more to life than we understand. If there is only one thing you will take from me, let it be this one: Everyone who crosses our path has a message for us.

When a seemingly random guy comes to make acquaintance, you think up all sorts of reasons to snub him; except that you don’t know:


All you’re probably thinking is “this guy wants something from me, and I don’t want to give him”. ‘Cam dan’ dear lady, what if the guy is going to give you something. I once saw a screen capture of a tweet. It was from a ‘random’ guy to an OAP (On Air Personality). The guy complimented and suggested that the OAP was his crush. The OAP obviously did not use the ‘snub mindset’, she replied and ‘allowed’ a conversation to ensue. Toolz (yes that Toolz) is now married to the guy. If she has decided to snub every guy because she has a ‘hot bod’ and that’s all guys want, who knows if she’d be married now. She was able to see herself beyond her ‘bad ass’ and that is why she was able to resonate with a guy who saw her beyond her body.


There’s a gist my sister gave me about her friend sometime ago. An area-boy kind of guy was trying to be friends with the girl who erroneously thinks is better than that than ‘that kind of person’. The guy kept trying, the girl kept snubbing. There was a day the guy met the girl at the bus stop, she was teary-eyed and was looking depressed. The guy being concerned asked the girl wassup, and she explained that as she got out of the bus, some guys snatched her bag which contained the money she just collected from the bank. The guy, a confirmed street boy, grabbed the girl by hand and led her to the garage ‘shairman’, who happened to be his mentor. He ordered other boys to go with them to ‘ile eru’ (house of baggage, literally), which is where the petty thieves in the area go to drop their loot. Perhaps there’s a code of conduct not to steal from ‘we-we’ because, according to the girl according to my sister, the boys at the ‘ile-eru’ did not put up a fight. She identified her bag (everything intact) and went home. No! They did not get married (everything isnor marriage naa) The street boy and the ‘ajebo’ girl have been friends ever since.


I’m sure you must have heard this story. I have even seen a video of it on facebook. It’s about a lady who rudely turned down a guy because he was broke. She met the guy again with her husband after 10 years, and it turned out that the guy she called broke now owns the company her husband works. I don’t know how true the story is, but it is very realistic you must agree. Never look down on anybody. They might not end up becoming rich, but they might help save your life.


Sequel to the previous story, the dude you rudely snubbed back in the days just might now be in the inner circle of the person that can make one of your dreams come true.

All these will seem dismiss-able to the ego (we all don’t like knowing we are wrong), but if you give it a thought you will see sense in them. It is totally true that some guys have ulterior motives for approaching girls. Guys who are just looking for the next ass to tap. As much of a snub as you have become, you still allow some guys in, don’t you? Why those guys and not others? How many of those guys you have let in did not want your body? How well has your screening ‘filters’ been working? How many of those guys you have allowed in has done something to move you closer to your dreams? Answering these questions will help you make more sense of what I am saying. Help you justify or otherwise your ideals for being a snub.

As you are strive to be an independent woman, so should you strive for mental independence. Be independent of all the assumptions, stereotypes, and every other unhelpful beliefs you hold. This is because as you hold on to them, so are they holding you back. See yourselves beyond your boobs, booties, and pretty faces; unless that’s all you’re about, and that inevitably makes you a ‘sex object’ (that’s another story). Spoiler alert! Not every guy wants to ‘knack’ you abeg. That’s a ridiculously arrogant assumption. I tell you again, everyone who crosses your path has a message for you. If only you understand.

I’d really like to know your thoughts on this and subsequent posts, so hit me up in the comment section and I’ll sure respond. Namaste!

Comments (2)

So true sister. Thanks this has been helpful.

Comment to Lydia Cancel reply