IT PAYS TO POUR IT ALL OUT
I was once in relationship that according to my standards, was beautiful. It was godly, happy, fulfilling and innocent. Along the line, I did something wrong and I asked for forgiveness; in more than one occasion. My partner then, was someone with a big heart, he always forgave and I guess at a point, I took that for granted. A time came when “bobo” could not take it any longer and he decided to take a walk.
I remember him calling that night and after saying all he had to say, he said ” I think it’s time we have a rethink on this relationship and possibly take a break and see what happens”. At this time, my body was shaking badly, I was somehow disoriented but my response was, “Okay, if that is how you want it”. I gave this response simply because I could not be caught off guard. I could not be seen as the weak one. Anyone who has known me on a close range knows that I know how to carry on like one strong woman like that that does not even use the toilet. I ended the call that night and smiled to myself. The next two days were a blur. It dawned on me that I had lost this relationship but I have to be strong.It took me 2 full years to recover from loosing the relationship (I guess I didn’t know as much as I know now. Lol).
I do not have much regrets in life but this is one of the things I regret: I could have said I was sorry and probably asked for another chance. I could have told him how much he meant to me and what losing him would cause me. I could have waited for either of these responses; “No, I don’t think I can continue again”, or ” If we are going to continue this, here are the conditions…..”, but no, I did not get any of these responses. So, some days, I sit back and I wonder “what could have been or what could not have been?” There is a high probability that the relationship would have still ended but then I would have known that I did my best from my side and I will be content with the answer that I got.
So, if today, you see me telling you the truth as it is or coming to apologize first when there is a misunderstanding, do not take it for weakness. I would rather look back and say “he/she took my feelings for granted” (this is hard for me to admit) than say “MAYBE, things would have been better between us if I had done this one thing”.
In summary, Proverbs 25:28 says “He that hath no rule over his own spirit(I call this emotions) is like a city that is broken down, and without walls”. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Quick question: Does showing unhindered love or expressing our true feelings make us weak?