MEMOIRS OF A SEARCHING LAGOS LADY: EPISODE 1

Osadebe Ijeoma Searching lady

I remember the days when I was 24. I remember the face I made when guys came around trying to get my attention. I was just fresh out of school and waiting for NYSC (National Youth Service Corps). I had all the time in my hands and when I am ready to get married, which is in about three years’ time, I would have enough guys around me that I would have to do “eeny meeny miny moe” to choose which of them to go for.

I still needed to enjoy the benefits of working and not having to answer to anybody. I fantasized about living alone as a single girl, no parents to ask me where I am coming from or where I am going to, so, for me, it wasn’t time yet. I always congratulated all my friends who were getting married then and wishing them well. In fact, I always volunteered to be in the bridal train.

Fast forward to 27. Dreams fulfilled. I now stay in my own house. I went and came without being questioned. After much persuasion met with my blatant refusal to stay back in the house with my parents, Popsy left one of his old cars for me. So I could call myself an average Lagos babe. My punishment though, was that I would have to sort out my rent by myself. Popsy said he will not have anything to do with that because it meant he was encouraging me to be a spoilt girl. The only reason he gave me the car, according to him, was because moving around Lagos with a car is a necessity not a luxury. Anyways, I still went home most weekends to “chop awoof” food and pack some in plastic containers to take back with me and keep in the freezer.

The only part of my dream that was not coming true was the “eeny meeny miny moe” part. The expected choice guys, who should be standing in a queue in front of my door and pleading to answer “Mr. Right”, were not there. There was a queue quite alright but it was a kind of queue that you have in front of you and you still stretch out and shout “anybody there”. So I started getting worried. When I complained, people would say “relax, you still have ae on your side and you do not look bad. Men will always fall at your feet”.

The problem right now is that I was 31 last week and here I am, renewed my rent 3 times, changed my car, changed my job (bigger pay, bigger position but less access to people), yet no man. Not even a boyfriend, how much more fiancé. Mrs. Adebola Coker (my mum) has decided never to mention my marital status to me ever again after we had our big squabble in the house the day she asked me if I was a Lesbian (how could she even think that?). I fumed. She explained that she had never heard the rumor that I was dating someone, at least, trying to see if things will work out, how much more bringing someone home. Okay, don’t think I am jinxed. It’s not like I have not dated anyone but I am one of those people who believe that before parents get to hear about someone I am dating, it must be S-E-R-I-O-U-S. In fact, if I should introduce you to my parents, it menas that one month later, you are coming to do my introduction(Well……). The thing is Momsy calls me every Thursday evening and our conversation goes:

“Damilola, do you remember Bimpe, that your Dad’s distant cousin?”

“No mom, I don’t. Which one is that?”

“Anyway, forget it. The thing is that she is having her traditional marriage tomorrow”

“Okay Mom. Say me well to her. That’s if she knows me”

“Wait o Dami, do you know she is just 25? That girl is lucky. Just said I should inform you, in case, you are chanced to come”.

This conversation takes place almost every other Thursday and of course, we all know where this is leading to. So, I always take my hard pill, maybe with a cup of milk and move on.

So the bible says “From the days of John the Baptist, the kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent takes it by force” (I’m preaching it, Sister). So, I have decided to take up this journey. I already have some strategies I plan on taking up and I will be giving feedback on and in case you have any, you can also suggest to me to give a try. See eh, me I have decided that this year is that year that will not pass me by (can I hear an Amen from the congregation).

So let’s take this journey together.

See you next time.

Comments

  1. funct

    with ur believe and stand God will do it for u Dami. Everybody has different destiny but at the same time I still think u have to create the room for Mr R to come in. sticking urself to ur work n achievement will not do u any good unless u choose to remain single.
    my candid advice to Damilola

  2. Seun

    This seems to be a recurring decimal in our country. Though Dami might be an imaginary character I know several ladies out their who are over 30 and searching. I’ll choose two ills in society and blame this trend on them.
    1, The Nigerian economy that has made more able bodied “would-be” husband’s jobless and underpaid. Such that they are having enough problems fending for themselves and their dependants to think of an added responsibility of marriage.

    2, The Nigerian society and cultures that has made marriage a thing that one has to rob a bank to execute. One has to satisfy the cost of an exorbitant traditional marriage and as if that’s not enough, one has to also do an overtly expensive “white-wedding”.

    Till these two problems are solved I don’t see delay in marriage going away anytime soon.

    1. osadebeijeoma

      Thanks Seun. To a great extent, i agree with you but i choose not to blame the society for what happens around me. I should be able to decide what i want to do and how i want to do it.

  3. Folashade

    This is a beautiful write up. Dami pls d’nt give up and d’nt allow your mum to push you. Mr Right will surely come.

  4. obioma

    Nice write up dear! My honest advice to Dami, keep an open mind, pray not your will but Gods will, most times we have already painted our desired Guy in our mind before going to God in prayer! That hinders our decision making.

  5. Azom

    Very funny piece. Lemme read all the others asap. Well done Ij. You are proving me right that you are indeed all shades of awesome.

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