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My Mom and I

“Unu a si no udi nwa gini ka m muru ihe a (What kind of child is this that I have)? This Lagos you live in has become a curse to you. Eekwa, this is the second time I am hearing that you are dating a Yoruba boy. Ndi Igbo agwugwo na Lagos? I ga anata Onitsha biko (Have Igbos finished in Lagos? You will come back to Onitsha).”

“But Mummy, I love him. His tribe does not……”

“Taaa kpuchie gi onu. Love nsi na ahu gini ka i na ako (Will you shut your trap. What stupid love are you talking about)? You did not see any Igbo man to love or do Igbo men in Lagos abhor love?”

“But you have always told me to go with my heart. This is where my heart found peace”

“Collect that heart back and lodge it in somewhere else. I know it will find peace with an Igbo man. I gave birth to that heart so, I know it. Bia Adaku, don’t give me high BP ooo. I just returned from the hospital where they say my BP is abnormal. I know it is because of you. I have not been sleeping up to 3 hours at night because I am thinking about you. My friend, Ndudi, her daughter married an Igbo ma, Nkechi and Chinyere’s daughters too. Nke m o ga apuzi iche? E mere m ihe ojoo ziga gi Lagos (Will my own be different. Did I do wrong by sending you to Lagos)?”

“I don’t understand why you are working yourself up. Okay, for the sake of peace, I am quitting my relationship so you can have your good sleep.”

“Ezigbo nwa, ada oma. I have always known that you will not let me be put to shame.”
3 months later.

“Mummy m ooo, I am so excited. Guess what?”

“Nne, what? Tell me already.”

“I met an Igbo man that wants to marry me.”

“Are you serious? Where is he from?”


“Ehen….. That’s our backyard. Kita ka i biara (Now, you have come). I know my daughter very well. I know that you have common sense and that you know how to get what you want. How did you people meet?”

“We met in church ooo. He said he has been admiring me for 6 months now. That he always follows me after morning mass but he had to summon courage to talk to me.”

“Chai! O kwanu onye church anyi sef (He attends our church too). So, what does he do?”

“He is still looking for job. He graduated from school in 2012 and has been searching for jobs since then. For now, he just helps his elder brother in his shop while he waits for something to come up.”

“E fuo m (I’m lost)!! Ahu o dikwadi gi (Are you alright)? How much was your school fees in the university that you will marry a jobless fellow?”

“Mummy, he is the first Igbo man that has shown seriousness towards me for almost 2 years now. Since I need to bring you an Igbo man, I decided to settle down with him. At least, it’s days of little beginning. He has great future, I can perceive it and I know that with time, my love for him will grow.”

“God, please kill me before this girl kills me.”

“Ah! mummy don’t pray that kind of prayer ooo. Who will tie my gele on my traditional wedding day?”

“Thank your stars that you are not here with me. Kirikiri star (tiny stars) would have been coming out of your eyes by now.”

“My biggest challenge now is that he said I have to return the car that Bayo bought for me. That he cannot have his wife driving another man’s car.”

“Si ya na m si ya wuo fence (Tell him I said he should jump fence). Who is his wife? Bia, you did not tell me Bayo bought you a car. What type of car is it?”

“He bought it as my parting gift after I told him I was ending the relationship so that I don’t give you high BP. It’s a Toyota Corolla.”

“Eyaaaaahhhh…. He must be a nice guy. Maybe you should bring him for me to see.”

“Ah mummy! That is if he is still available nau. What if he has moved on with his life and is now dating another Yoruba girl?”

“Are you not a woman? Make him available biko. I will be waiting to hear when you people are coming, i nugo?”
“Hello Bayo, I told you my tactics will work. She is my mum and I know her. So, we need to make plans to go see my mum but before that, you have to buy me a car that we have to show her; a Toyota Corolla for that matter, if not, you are strictly on your own.”

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Comments (1)

ha ha ha ha, this one cracked my ribs….kikikiki, please I need more

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